This page contains my thoughts, feelings and expeiriences about living with, and trying to overcome depression. Though I take anti-depressants I find that regular meditation works best for me, and so this page will also contain my experiences of meditating, and comments etc on my quest for inner peace and happiness. Also included is a list of books that I have found helpfull.

    I'll also include anything else that I think might be helpfull or interesting to other people who find this world hard going at times, and search for deep inner joy and contentment. Though my main aim is for my site to be positive, helpfull, and uplifting when things aren't going quite right or I'm struggling with my self help techniques I'll also put it here. I'm sure I'm not the only one that sometimes lacks self discipline, or keeps having to drag themselves out of feeling down, so I think it helps to share, and I'm hoping that I'll get some feedback, comments etc from people who read this section. Maybe we can give each other a helping hand or something.:-) To contact me see the email me link on the menue.

    Links to my poems section, and my meanderings and meditations section are also there. As much of my poetry and other writing is influenced both by depression and meditation. I also find that meditation has enhanced my creativity immensely.

    Reading this has probably helped me more than any other book, or maybe I was just ready to understand the message the author tries to give us. For me I found it to be a very joyfull, happy book with real insight into the workings of our minds. The basic message of the book is that, it is the thoughts that we think that affect our feelings, often negatively. Thus if can learn not to be afraid of our thoughts, and to accept that what we think isn't reality, then we can learn to dismiss thoughts that upset us. The author also deals with things such as living mindfully, taking pleasure in the world around us, and, living mainly in the present. I found this to be a wonderfull book which inspired me to have more faith in the instinctive wisdom that is within us all.

    This is about the same theory as the previous book, but it's main advantage is that it is directed more towards readers who suffer from depression. Thus it goes into greater detail about how to overcome negative thought patterns etc.

    This is one of the first books I read when I first started meditating. It is an excellent book, that explains many different techniques of meditation very effectively, and in a way that is easy for the Western mind to understand. Once I'd read this book I had a far more relaxed attitude to meditation, and was prepared to experiment with different techniques more. The author also explains how he brings meditation and mindfullness into his every day life, thus we learn how he meditates whilst walking in the park etc.

    Yes ok so this is a video not a book but, it's so good I just had to include it. And I'm too lazy to make a videos section just for one video. ;-) There are at least fifteen different methods of meditation shown on this video, ranging from passive meditations to very energetic meditations, some of them are really fascinating. I found it very helpfull to be able to actually see each method of meditation being done. Each type of meditation is simply explained, and demonstrated, this video makes meditation seem very simple, natural and accessible, which is just the way it should be. This is an ideal video for the beginner to meditation, the only possible criticism being that each method is only covered briefly.

MEDITATION

    I suppose this section could be described as a diary of meditation, only I won't add to it daily, just when I have something to say, or when I have time. Here I shall put my thoughts, expeiriences, and feelings about meditation. I'll also talk about problems I'm having or questions I have, maybe someone out there will know the answer.;-) This section is not a how to guide to meditation.

    I've been meditating on and off for nearly a year now, and still some days I find I lack the self discipline to meditate. Despite being very aware that meditation does help me immensely I still find it hard to stick to a daily routine of meditating. I keep trying though.

    In my expeirience meditation is not a quick solution, though some benefits will be felt within a month or two. Even now I still have rough patches, and days when I feel low, the main difference is that I know meditation can help me over those periods. I feel sometimes that I'm just beginning to touch or sense the deep inner calmness I desire, the more I put into my attempts to meditate the more I feel this. If you choose to use meditation to help you overcome depression or other problems then you probably won't see real improvements for a few months, depending how often you meditate.

    It's really best to meditate everyday if you can. I find it is far more effective to meditate for ten or fifteeen minutes every day than it is to miss days. It's also important to allow enough time to meditate properly, as really you need to take a few minutes to prepare for meditation and to quiet your mind. You also need to allow a few minutes to come out of meditation afterwards. In my experience meditation is far more effective if time is allowed both before and after to prepare and to return to reality. Meditation done in a hurry is better than nothing but less effective than meditation done when plenty of time is allowed.

At present I am just trying to restart my meditation habit after having had a break from it while ill. It's not easy to get back to doing it, despite knowing how important it is for me, I still find myself making excuses not to do it, or doing it in a hurry. Crazy really.

    In the past couple of days I have found a new way to meditate, or live mindfully, it really is a wondrous joyous expeirience, so I'd like to share it with you all. :-) All you do is take a piece of fruit, like a strawberry or a grape, and then as you hold it in your hand, focus gently on how it looks, feel the texture of it. See the details you'd normally miss, then smell it, yes I know it does sound a bit funny doesn't it? But winetasters sniff wine don't they so why not sniff a strawberry. ;-) Absorb the aroma fully, enjoy it. Then slowly take a bite, feel your teeth sink into the flesh, feel the juice in your mouth, absorb the flavours, and the feelings. Chew the fruit slowy focusing on the tastes and feelings, feel it as you swallow. Really this is the most incredible way to eat a piece of fruit, or any other food. I tried it and thought That is the most heavenly tasting stawberry I have ever tried, a moment of sheer bliss. Try it alos with fruit juice, this technique seems to work best with natural foods.:-)

    The benefit of doing this, apart from the sheer joy it brings, is that it helps you to discover that inside each of us is a place of calmness, joy and peacefullness, a place where we are calm and happy. The more often that we can access that place within us all, the easier it becomes to reach, and we begin to trust that we can find it when we need to. I am still learning to reach my peacefull happy place, still trying to conquer my tendancy to worry, I'm just a tiny step along this road. Just a seeker sharing my expeiriences and hoping it'll help others.

    As well as meditation these are some of the other things that I find helpfull for me. Firstly positive affirmations, mainly designed to work on my low self esteem. At least once every day, and frequently more often than that, I tell myself good things about myself. I use the same affirmations every day, and I have a notebook where I write down any new ones that come to mind. Then when I'm feeling low I can refer to my notebook and feel a little better hopefully.

    Secondly, breathing exercises. Several times every day for a couple of minutes or so I focus on my breathing, and try to put everything else out of my mind. While I am focused on my breathing I slowly and gently breath in, hold my breath for a few seconds, then gently breath out. As you breath in you should feel your abdomen rise slightly, as you breath out feel your abdomen fall slightly. There's many excellent yoga books, and meditation books that give more details on breathing exercises. I find focusing on my breath is very calming.

    Thirdly, taking pleasure in the little things around me, have you ever noticed how wonderfull simple things like bubbles in a washing up bowl are? As often as I can I try to make my mind quiet and focus on the world around me, the touch of the wind on my face, the detail in a flower, the light reflected through leafs on a tree. Even things like traffic lights can be beautifull though it might be better to concentrate on driving I guess, since I don't drive I don't have too worry about that.:-)

    Slowly I feel I'm beginning to find my way out of depression, though I have along way to go before I get where I want to be. When depression first struck, it felt like I was stuck in a dark pit of despair and misery, all I could do was lie in bed and cry. Part of the problem was I was exhausted from not having slept for a week, I really hated myself at that time, and couldn't see any way out of the way I felt. It seemed to me that my life was a complete mess, and I was a huge failure, that the world was an unfair cruel place and I was the only one who constantly got hurt by life. So I know how bad things can feel and seem, and back in those dark days I never really believed that I'd actually make it to where I am now. So, it is posible to overcome or at least controll depression, don't give up hope, you're not the only one that feels this way. I still have bad periods but, they're not as bad as they were, and I now know what to do to help myself over them. Mostly I'm no longer so afraid as I was, slowly I'm regaining my confidence in my ability to cope with life. So don't give up hope.:-)

    And now here am I in a bad period again, probably my worst bad period for several months, rather an unpleasant surprise for me. I find it's knocked my confidence quite badly, my self esteem which was improving has dropped down again, my thoughts drive me crazy. The body tight with the old tension again, the old feelings of fear, even guilt is making a comeback, and self anger too. Why has it come back again, just when I thought it was gone or easing? I guess part of the answer has to be because I stopped doing the self help things that aid me. Sounds like I'm blaming myself doesn't it? Well no, I'm not, just trying to learn from my mistakes, and win this war with depression. So, please never blame yourselves if you find you have bad times too, I think most people do, and blaming ourselves doesn't help to get over these feelings.

    So, now I'm trying to drag myself out of this low period, doing all my self help things such as mediation and mindfullness etc. Making my emotional welfare a priority, learning to put myself first at times, learning to live my life at a slower pace, and try to see joy around me. Learning again all the things I thought I already knew. Right now it's hard, sometimes I'm scared of my negative thoughts and the way I worry, sometimes I feel stabs of tension within me for no reason, sometimes I'm scared to let myself think because I know I'll start to dwell on little things and make them big negative things. But I also know I have to walk through that fear, and relax, in order to find my innner peace, so I begin the fight again and feel I'm just taking tiny steps along a path that hopefully will one day set me free.